


The President's Key

by aba_daba_do



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Comic: Gravity Falls: Lost Legends, Gen, references to other shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aba_daba_do/pseuds/aba_daba_do
Summary: Dipper and Mabel see what other doors the president's key can open, and find themselves between some familiar dimensionsOriginally written for Epilogue: A Lost Legends Zine (2019)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	The President's Key

“Wow, so this key can open not just any lock in America but magical locks too?” Mabel asked. 

Dipper turned around, ceasing to chew on his pen with his back teeth, and stared out at his corkboard of ‘President’s Key Mysteries’. The twins’ bedroom had become a mess, overridden with Dipper’s papers, newspaper clippings, and thin lines of string all running towards the president’s key. “There’s near-endless possibilities of what this key was made to open! The government could have Bigfoot in a cage, the Lincoln Memorial could be a robot,” he gripped Mabel by the shoulders, “they might have the frozen head of George Washington hidden beneath the White House!” 

“Yikes, you gotta cool your noodle, Dip.” Mabel picked the key up off the end table. “Who needs government conspiracies? This key can open  _ any _ door. Think of all the adventures we can have!” 

Pausing for thought, Dipper tapped a finger against his bottom lip. “But where to go? Gravity Falls is filled with government secrets and supernatural hotspots, it’s hard to pick just one.” His eyes lit up. “I got it! Come with me!” He grabbed Mabel by the wrist with one hand and the President’s key with the other. He led her through the Shack, behind the secret vending machine, and down into the cold depths of the basement. 

“Great Uncle Ford wrote in the Journal that a cursed door temporarily appeared in the basement 30 years ago, but he hasn’t checked since. That door could still be cursed!” he said. 

“Cursed as in ‘cursed to a long life of adventure and whimsy’ or cursed as in ‘you are going to die a slow and painful death’?” 

“Likely the painful death. But with this,” he waggled the key in his fingers, “we might be able to avoid certain doom! Aha! This is the door!” He skidded to a stop in front of a large metal door with caution tape and multiple signs that read CURSED DOOR! KEEP OUT, YOU WILL (LIKELY) DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH, and I LOST MY CALCULATOR IN HERE! Several locks lined the door, but that wasn’t a problem if you had a key that opened anything. 

Mabel bit down on her bottom lip. “Uh, Dip, are you sure you wanna do this?” 

“Pfft,” he shrugged. “What’s one cursed door in comparison to the other crazy stuff we’ve done this summer? Just yesterday we had our faces stolen.”

“Good point. Open up that door!” 

He jammed the President’s Key into the lock, twisting it until he heard a click. The door creaked open, a faint white light breaking out from behind it. Dipper removed the key and crammed it into his pocket. The twins nodded to each other and proceeded to slip behind the cursed door.

The world blinked into view. A long dark hallway slinked into a dark and unseeable infinity. Identical white doors lined the hallway like a ribbon, seeming to grow smaller and smaller with forced perspective.

“Where are we?” Mabel asked, moving into the hallway. Her steps echoed on the white marble floor. 

He turned around, the hallway still continuing behind him. “All cursed doors must lead here. This might be where some of the creatures in Gravity Falls are from. Maybe one of these doors leads back into the Crawlspace?”

Bouncing away from, Mabel surveyed the doors before her. “Let’s find out!” She opened up one of the doors, peeking her head through. “Hello? Does anyone here know any good knock-knock jokes?” 

There was no up or down, just an endless starry space. The air tasted stale and dry. Floating in the emptiness, an eyeball turned and blinked at her while the clock ticked time away at a rapid speed. It was completely nonsensical, crashing with the sound of a shattering window and the occasional passerby of  _ e=mc2  _ and other mathematical equations.

“Dipper, check this out. It’s like a night zone or something.” Leaning in for a closer look, her shoes slipped on the edge of the doorway. 

He turned around, watching her dip further into the doorway. “Mabel, watch out!” he cried. Her breath caught as Dipper gripped to the back of her sweater, yanking her back inside before she could tumble into the endless space. “You’ve got to be more careful. We don’t know where any of these doors…” his voice trailed off as he looked back out into the hallway. “Mabel, do you remember which door is ours?” 

“Uhm… the white one?” 

“They’re all white! Oh no, we’re lost. We’re lost in a vast hallway of infinite doors. It could take us literally forever to find the right one. Does time even exist here?” 

“It’s got to be one of these! Look!” She ran to the next door, clicking open the lock and peeking inside. She inhaled deeply. “This one has a musty Mystery Shack smell!” 

“Wait for me!” Dipper shouted, keeping close pace as Mabel stepped into the doorway.

The room was neither big nor small. The black and white floor moved in zigzags against looming red curtains. It was enough to make Dipper feel dizzy. Smooth jazz and static hummed from an unknown source in the room.

“Woah.” Mabel ran her hand across one of the velvety curtains. “Is this some kind of upscale night club? Should we put on fancy clothes?” 

Across the room, a small man in a small red suit did a dance. Occasionally he’d step to the beat, but mostly he paid no mind to the tempo of the music. He turned around, taking note of Dipper and Mabel, and smiled. “ _.kcor s'tel ,sdik yeH _ ” His voice sounded like a record being played backwards. He went back to dancing but didn’t break eye contact either. 

“Uhm. Maybe we should go,” Dipper said, running back into the hallway. “I get to pick the next one,” he paced along the hallway, thinking through his options. “Hmm. How about this one?” 

When he opened the door, a wave of old and dusty air clawed its way through. Mr. What’s-His-Face lounged in his armchair amidst the wall of stolen faces, hanging like prized artwork. He turned, catching sight of Dipper, “Hey! It’s you! I want your face back!” 

“Ahh! Any door but this one!” Dipper slammed the door shut behind him, panting for breath. 

“This one is full of vaguely human frogs!” Mabel called from across the hallway. “Aww, they’re so cute with their shenanigans.” 

Dipper pressed his ear up against another door. A soft, vaguely human murmur flowed through the wood. “I think I hear voices behind this one! It could be one of the other doors in Gravity Falls.” Mabel walked over to his side as he opened up the door. 

The voices on the other side were definitely human, the bad news was that they belonged to a group of scientists and government agents all prodding at the cursed doorway. 

“Oh man,” Dipper muttered under his breath. 

All at once, the government agents drew their weapons as the group of scientists took notes and took pictures for evidence. 

“Intruders!” One agent screamed. 

“Do you speak English? Are you from this dimension?” A second asked. 

“How did you kids get in here?” A third responded. 

Mabel gave a nervous grin, “Would you believe us if I said we got lost in a magic door dimension?” 

The second agent leaned over to the first and whispered, “They might be looking for the frozen head of George Washington, sir.” 

Dipper nudged Mabel in the side, “Told ya’.” 

“These kids know too much. Put them in a holding cell for investigation!” 

Two more agents came, grabbing the twins and carrying them over to a room with a table, chairs, and two-way mirror inside. The air inside was overpowering with the smell of chemical cleaners. “Agent M and Agent S will be in shortly.” They dropped the twins rather rudely on the ground and left, locking the door behind them. 

“I am a US congressman!” Mabel shouted. She banged her fists against the door. “This is a federal crime!”

Dipper sighed, moving from the floor to one of the chairs in the middle of the room. He curled his head and arms against the table. “I seriously screwed this one up. Now we’re locked in some secret government research facility!” 

“Aww, come on,” Mabel said, pulling up the chair adjacent to his. “We’ve fought the government plenty of times. We can totally handle this. We just need to think of a way out of this locked room.” 

“You’re right,” Dipper replied. He blinked a few times in thought, as if the answer were not completely obvious. “Wait!” He reached into his pocket. “The President’s Key! We can use it to escape this room!” He crept over to the door, clicking each lock open as quietly as possible. “Come on!” The twins crawled out, hiding behind tables and rolling carts back towards the door. 

When they made it back to the door, it was swarming with scientists collecting data and occasionally putting their hand through the doorway. “Oh no,” Dipper whispered, “it’s completely surrounded. We’ll have to make a break for it.” 

“On the count of 3. 1… 2... “ Mabel whispered. Before she could get to 3, one of the government agents pulled aside the cart the twins were hiding behind. 

“It’s those kids!” he gasped. 

“3!” Mabel gripped Dipper by the back of his shirt and made a mad dash towards the door. While it wasn’t the most eloquent of escapes, it was a daring escape nonetheless. 

“How did you escape?” another agent yelled. 

“We got a magic key from Quentin Trembly, suckas!” Mabel shouted and blew a raspberry at them. 

“Knowledge of the 8th and half president is classified! Get them!” 

Dipper knocked down one of the rolling carts while Mabel kicked a scientist in the back of the knees. Together they pushed through the crowd around the door, leaping into the infinite hallway. 

Standing between the doors, Mabel spun around in confusion. “Which door is ours?” 

“Get them!” the agents called, following them through the door. 

Dipper looked around in wide-eyed panic. “Open all of them!” 

Throwing open every door, the twins unleashed some strange and unusual things. One door led to a man speaking softly over the radio about a dog park. A second one was filled entirely with teeth and nothing else. Another gushed open with water and various sea creatures, causing the agents to slip and fall on the floor. 

Mabel opened a series of doors in a row, “Nope. Nope. Nu-uh. Definitely not. Hang on,” she poked her head through. Sure enough the last one was a familiar basement laboratory, and a warning sign on the floor that read KEEP OUT! “This is the right one! Come on!” 

Dipper barely dodged an agent trying to swipe at him, when a giant Octopus burst through one of the doors. It slinked a tentacle around the agent’s leg and dragged him back through the oceanic door. 

Dipper turned and ran towards the door back home. He jumped inside just in time for Mabel to close the door behind him, blocking the path of the other government agents. She pressed her back up against it, holding it closed as the agents on the other side pushed and shoved. 

Fumbling with the key, Dipper locked the door once more. With a sigh, the twins sunk to the ground in relief. 

“No more magic doors?” he asked 

“No more magic doors.” 


End file.
